Breathe Life into a Toxic Relationship

Sometimes you may feel that the relationships that are closest to you are the ones that are turning the most toxic. They leave you feeling heavy hearted and drained. The joy you once felt in spending time with that person is now diminished by petty squabbling. The love that you expressed so freely once is now getting stifled behind the wall of expectations that you have erected.  You would like to fix it, but you have no idea where to start.

You Start With Yourself!

The world as we experience it is nothing more than an extension of our own thoughts. Our manner of thinking affects everything. If you believe that a person is out to get you, you will begin to suspect ulterior motives for every action that person takes. If you believe that a person is out to harm you, you will automatically become jumpier around the person. So if you believe that an old loving relationship has turned toxic, then it is again you, who is turning the thoughts in that negative direction.

Love also must come first from within.

When you begin accepting love and joy into your life you change the way you think. If you are sure in your heart that the world is a loving place and that you are safe to be your true self here, you will experience a drastic shift in the way your so called toxic relationship is going. Begin with loving yourself. Say the simple but popular affirmation that Louise Hay has given you, “I love and approve of myself.” Say it to yourself in front of a mirror each time you cross one. Say it to yourself a hundred times a day. Say it when you close your eyes at night to sleep. Say it till you well and truly believe it.

 Be your own best friend

Stop expecting the other person to fix all your problems. Be self reliant, its not someone else’s job to look after you all the time. Know your boundaries with the other person. Don’t expect to do something for them in order to have them do something in return. That will always make you feel short changed and cheated. If you want to do something out of a desire from your heart, go ahead, but don’t feel guilty and do stuff. Keep the promises you make, especially the ones that you make to yourself. Remember if you are being good to yourself, you expect others to be good to you too.

Trust, respect, protectiveness, and love all go together. That said, it is never a one way street, both people have to be equally committed to the relationship to make it work. Make yourself available for the person with whom you are having relationship issues. Communicate how you feel and also listen to why they are behaving in the manner that they are. Give and take is the best way to solve any situation. A healthy compromise can go a long way in fixing a toxic relationship.

Connecting with Your Divine Spirit

Each of us is a combination of three main elements: Mind, Body and Spirit. The body we can see, the mind we can experience in our many thoughts and opinions, but the connection with Spirit is tentative at best and nonexistent at worst. The Universe, the Source, God, or Spirit, it doesn’t matter what you call it, can be a frightening concept to grasp. We have forgotten that we are a part of the whole, and inaccurately believe that we are different from what has created us.

The truth is that there is divinity in you and me. There is a spark of the Universe, Source, Spirit or God energies in each of us in existence. This is the philosophy of “Adwaita”, you and I are one. Our worldly wisdom gives us the mistaken believe that you and I are separate, but in truth enlightenment just brings this one shift in knowledge to show us that we truly are all a part of a single energy entity. This begs the question if everyone has God Spark, why is there so much misery in the world?

Soul Contracts and Life Purpose

Life is not exactly all sparkly things and magic dust for you at present because you choose it to be that way. If you are facing a crisis you have picked it out to experience even before you were born in this body on the planet. Before you enter this life your soul had made a contract with the Universe, Source or God Spark about what you need to experience and learn in this life time. You plotted out the life situations that would cause you to learn lessons that would help you complete your life purpose. Even your life purpose was fixed in the approximately two years of earth time that you spent with Spirit to define the entire unfolding of your life on earth.

Enter Free Will

So if everything is already fixed up between your Soul and Spirit does that mean all you have to do is show up and suffer through it all? Not really! When you take on the vibrations of a physical body on the planet you also gain a tool called “Free Will”. This is where you choice matters. You may encounter the life crisis that was previously discussed and then you have a choice to react to it in the way you like. The most optimum route would be to seek out the lesson and having learnt it, proceed towards your life purpose. However very often we miss that lesson and so Spirit needs to bring about another life crisis, and another till we finally take note of the lesson.

Once you learn your lesson and make the connection to your own Divine Spirit life becomes effortless. All that you need to do to achieve your life purpose begins to fall into your lap. If you need help someone offers to teach you how. Knowledge gaps that are missing get filled in by books gifted to you. Ideas that you never thought of implementing are presented to you. In short you come into the flow of the process of life and are easily able to fulfill your destiny as decided by your own Divine Spirit. Now isn’t that a place you would want to be?!

Placing Ongoing Orders with the Cosmic Kitchen

You can have whatever you want. All you have to do is place an order with the cosmic kitchen and if received correctly, you are able to manifest exactly what you asked for. Manifesting with the Law of Attraction is not a one time deal but a way of life. Most people decide to test ride this new fangled technique, and have some small measure of success to become believers. Then they ask for bigger things and get frustrated when they are unable to get these larger orders delivered with quite the same élan. What’s holding up these wishes from being manifested?

The Perfect Invocation

You need to craft your desires perfectly in order for the Universe to hear exactly what you wish to manifest. The Cosmic Kitchen does not have any way of clarifying what you want; it just takes whatever you say at face value and does its best to deliver. Be as specific about what you want at the same time don’t be at all specific about how you want it to come to you. For instance ask for a chocolate brownie for your dessert after dinner, but don’t ask for your husband to buy it for you. It could just come from a friend visiting, or a colleague at work. Leave the delivery up to the Cosmic Kitchen. Focus on what you desire not how you will get it.

Stop Your Resistance Generation

There are a million little thoughts racing through your mind. Actual studies say that you have sixty thousand thoughts a day and out of these forty thousand are focused on negative things. There are fears, doubts, worries, anxieties and phobias playing football with the single odd positive thought that does manage to sneak in. In order to organize your thoughts more in line with the positive spirit of things you can use affirmations. Setting up these positive affirmations as a loop to return to in your mind makes sure that you do not create resistance to manifesting your order from the Cosmic Kitchen. These affirmations soon become second nature and allow you to keep the majority of negative thoughts from entering your mind through the day.

Daily Manifesting Ritual

Doing things at the same time each day allows them to develop into string habits. The same is true about manifesting your orders from the Cosmic Kitchen. Create a sacred sanctuary for yourself to go to each day. It could be an entire room if you have the space, or just a shelf and a mirror that you can use each day. The physical space involved doesn’t matter, but you have to repeat the manifesting ritual that you have set for yourself along with your affirmations each day. Preferably at the same time each day to make it a habit. Soon manifesting becomes a way of life and there are no doubts about orders being delivered.

Affirm to yourself – “Everything I need to make my life abundant is heading my way now. Thank you and so it is.”

Fighting Fears

If at any point of time you feel that you are not living up to your full potential, there is generally a fear holding you back from reaching it. There are some obvious fears, such as the fear of failure. No one wants to give their all to an idea only for it to become a flop and a monetary disaster in their lives. Then there is the less obvious fear of success. Some of us are actually avoiding taking the next step in the success chain because we are way too worried about what we are going to do if we succeed! With success come change and most of us are pretty comfortable just the way we are to want to make any changes.

Awareness and Identification

If you are not sure what fear is keeping you from meeting your destiny, you need be find a way to become aware of it. Journaling your thoughts on a daily basis is a good way to find out just how your brain works. When you free play with your words in a space you know only you have access to, things begin to come out which you can later identify as the basis of your fears. Once you are aware of what is really holding you back, there are a number of ways to fight back.

EFT or Tapping

Emotional Freedom Technique or what is colloquially called Tapping, is a method where you tap on the ends of your body’s energy meridians to help you deal better with stress and fears. The non invasive system is based on principles similar to acupuncture and acupressure, but works predominantly on the strong emotions that you feel. It is a beautiful fear fighting tool that can let you lower your intensity of fear as you tap the points repeatedly.

Creative Visualization Meditations

Many fears we have a quite irrational and illogical. Some may make no sense at all in the world as we live it, but are frighteningly real to you.  So how do you deal with such fears? Ask yourself what is the worst thing that can happen. Imagine the absolute worst situation, and then correct it in your mind with a solution. Now visualize everything that you think can go wrong, and automatically use your solutions to correct these errors. Gradually the solutions will become second nature and the fears will fade away forever.

Life Coaching

There is no shame in asking for help. If you could not lift a 50 kg suitcase up the staircase, you would accept the help of your friend or family member and do it together! When you can ask for help with physical matters, there is no need to hesitate to ask for help in emotional matters as well. A life coach is often able to spot your fears before you are. Plus they are a in a much better position to help you as compared to a well meaning friend or family member as they are specially trained for the situation.

Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone

Just Do It is not a popular slogan because of the brand it endorses. It is a very real action plan to go beyond whatever doubts and fears are plaguing your mind. One of the best ways to fight your fear is to actually face it. Think about the fear that is holding you back from success and then pursue the set of actions that will make you face this fear head on!

Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys

This Polish Proverb has been inspiring me to de-clutter my life. There is so much happening all around us every day that it is impossible to hold yourself aloof from it all. Whether you want to get involved or not, you will be made aware of a number of issues that are floating around. It could be issues with your spouse’s workplace, or something that’s happening at your child’s school, maybe your household help has problems, perhaps it is your colleague who s going through a trying life event,  or just a random neighbour having a bad day. If you have become a sounding board for the person experiencing these issues, you find yourself being dragged into things that have nothing to do with you.

They expect you to listen with a sympathetic ear and even solve the problems as though you are some magician who can wave a magic wand and solve the world’s problems. Then they make you feel guilty when you are unable to do just that impossible deed. The fact is, it is not something you need to get involved in, ever.  It does not make you a bad person if you choose not to try and solve the world’s problems. It does not make you a bad mother just because you choose to finish cooking before you help your child with their science fair project. It does not make you a terrible friend if you decide to put your needs before your friend’s need to talk about her latest issues. It is okay to do what you want to with your time. If you choose to lend someone a shoulder to cry on, that’s okay as well because you chose to do it.

No one has the right to bully or guilt you into doing something that they want. Do not think of yourself as helpless. You are the most powerful force of existence in your life. You decide every second of the day just what you are going to experience next. Borrowing trouble is not the way to a peaceful existence. Help if you want to, but not because you feel obligated to. There is no reward or punishment for pushing back your own needs and desires to help others. The world has been functioning just fine for a very long time before you were born, and will go on in the same manner even after you are no longer alive. All you get to do is live out the few short decades of your life in the best possible manner that suits yourself and your life purpose.

Each time you feel yourself being pulled into other people’s nonsense, just repeat to yourself “Not my circus, not my monkeys.” This will help you maintain focus on what you really need to be involved with and what situations you must avoid at all costs! Start living for yourself, not for the dramas playing out in the lives of people all around you. Live true to your life purpose, and acting as an umpire for others games is not what you are here to do!